Living in the moment

What is mindfulness? There isn't a short answer, but it's about living in the moment. Not for the moment, because that implies each and every moment is wonderful, and it is not. It's about being present, being aware of what is happening and recognizing this, without judgement and without needing to change it or act on it.

We are so tied up with our busy lives, that we barely have time to stop and think about anything, it's always about doing. If you become mindful, you focus on what you are doing without distraction. Mindfulness meditation involves becoming aware of yourself at your most restful, just focusing all your senses on your own breathe, the centre of your life. It is a very useful exercise in getting back to basics, understanding why we are here and in sorting out who we are.

Find a quiet spot and do this exercise without thinking of anything else: take a raisin (or another very small, insignificant dried fruit). Give it all your attention for a full minute. Look at it, hold it up to the light, notice its colour, its texture, listen to it, smell it, feel it, and finally bite into it. It will taste like a small explosion in your mouth.

Why do I want you to do this? How can one small raisin teach you anything useful in the context of reducing anxiety? You will have to wait until tomorrow to find out.

"Worry less, live more!"

If you get invited to go and give a talk at one of your favourite health spas with dinner, bed, breakfast and full use of the spa facilites thrown in, you jump at it! Well, in my case, swim at it! I now visit Champneys at Henlow Grange about once a fortnight to stun my ever refreshed audience there with tips for reducing anxiety.

The point is these people have gone to Champneys for a reason. They are usually worn out by their activity on the hamster wheel of life, fed-up to here (chest-height and also swimming bath height) with work, work, work, and domestic chores, demanding children, shopping, couch potato husbands, the hoover breaking down, the car fuel tank being empty (yet again) - you know how it is, they just have to drop everything and take a break in a peaceful, quiet, calm setting, where they can be pampered and sleep, sleep sleep, until going back to the real world.

Sigh! After a long day of relaxing and a delicious (but healthy of course) dinner, what do they want to do? Go to the bar - there isn't one! It's a choice between going to bed and watching the telly, or coming to listen to me - well, those who still have energy left at 9pm. Neeless to say, these people are looking forward to changing their entire life in an hour.

I can't promise to do that but we have a very interesting discussion about some of the main reasons we worry and how to put things back into perspective. For example, we are socialized to be perfect in everything we do these days, so the more we do, the more perfect we have to be. If we can't achieve top marks in all areas, we let ourselves down, we try again, we try harder, and worry far too much. Our society is so achievement based that we can't see beyond getting it all 100% right. And we need the approval of those around us, be it partners, colleagues, bosses, even our children. This need starts at school and doesn't stop in the world of work.

Another thing which makes us worry far too much is when we feel the need to control everything going on in our lives. If we lose control, or feel we have lost it, this makes us very anxious. I know myself that getting organized is vital for a busy woman, but when does good organization become control?

Enough said for now. I would love to hear other people's views on these two reasons for anxiety. Do you think we have become a perfectionist society? Are we more obsessed with controlling our lives than letting things go? Tomorrow I will talk about mindfulness, something which helps me put balance back into my life.

Why bother with pilates?

Do you ever forget you have a body? Are you living life so much in your head that you can't remember what you had for your last meal, or even when?!?!?

If you are caught up in the hamster wheel of work, even if you love it, sometimes you can ignore the warning signs from your body: those gnawing pains and noises from your stomach which say "I'm hungry"; a headache caused by not drinking enough; aches and pains in your neck and shoulders caused by hunching over the PC too long. Any of those sound familiar?

I was lucky enough to be offered Pilates classes at lunchtime when I worked at the World Health Organization. Becoming aware of my body and my physical well-being not only made me feel better, it also lifted my spirits, and allowed me to focus better when I got back to my desk.

It is only when something goes drastically wrong that we become body aware. I come across cases like this again and again. Last week, I heard about a family of workaholics who changed their entire life-style because the father had a major heart attack and nearly died, and his daughter had a nervous breakdown. You don't need to go that far before you decide to look after yourself.

Pilates is an ideal way to start. It involves gentle but powerful exercise to strengthen your core muscles (those round the belly and lower back) so as to improve your posture (for example, hunched shoulders and sticking out tums), prevent injury and allow you to function more efficiently on a daily basis. I love it because focusing the mind very precisely on the exercise you are doing is very relaxing.

That's why I decided to do an intensive 6-month course in Pilates Instruction. I now understand how the joints and muscles work, why we need to strengthen the core and how getting a better posture is so beneficial. It is suitable for everyone of any age. One of my physiotherapist teachers told us that practically all injury can be avoided or lessened by improving the posture, and almost all injury can be cured by movement. So what are you waiting for? Try it out!

More than a photo of a man and his dog.....

Why am I running to raise money for Cancer Research next weekend?

Nigel was a very modest man. I didn't see him often because he lived most of his working life in Canada and I lived in Switzerland, but we had some wonderful family holidays in Nova Scotia, and spent some time making sand-castles with small children on this particular beach.

Nigel was a man of simple tastes. He loved walking his dogs and bird-watching. This photo just sums him up.

I knew Tom was a good photographer, but it was only when I recently visited Nova Scotia, that I saw the breadth of Tom's work. He took many subjects, mainly of nature and wildlife, and filed them all meticulously. The family home is full of random pictures, all breath-takingly poignant.

I picked out this one and had it framed - it will always be with me. Nigel is forever walking his dog on the beach, and Tom is there, unseen in the background, observing the world and seeing its beauty.

My brother and my nephew were lost to cancer within two years of each other. Life is too short and we need to be reminded that we should stop, smell the salt in the sea, listen to the relentless waves and feel the breeze on our faces.

Climb every mountain....I did it!

My two good schoolfriends, Dorinda and Carolyn, wanted to do something different to celebrate our "rather big" birthdays this year! Nothing easy or relaxing, no, they twisted my arm into cycling round Cork for a week. Never one to refuse a challenge, I'd always wanted to visit Ireland. However, about six miles on a bike in a day was my limit.

I managed to clock up about one hundred and fifty miles in six days - about twenty five a day, plus all the extra bits where we either got lost or followed the signposts (which are all wrong!). Dorinda is an intrepid adventurer and she designed the trip, but didn't realize that Irish maps tend to show the pubs but not the road numbers...... oh, well, we got back didn't we (and drnak lots of Guiness too!)? No accidents to report, only beautiful scenery, lots of very barky dogs, and astounded looking cows (they obviously don't see many humans in the course of their day)and a wonderful Irish breakfast every day to keep us moving!

We stayed at completely unknown and diverse B and Bs each night, varying from large welcoming farmhouses, through to sadly worn little dives which seemed to have got stuck in the 1970s. On our first night, we climbed a very steep mountain to get to a desolate spot, and decided in advance we would rather forego supper than have to climb down and back up again before sleep. How fortunate we were that our delightful landlady, Mary, of Findus Farm, Kilnamartyra, provided freshly backed scones and tea on our arrival. I'm sure they were the best scones I have ever tasted!

The low spot of our week was probably Thursday evening when we were searching out another B and B farmhouse at Kilkgren, near Clonakilty. The fine, mist-like rain, turned to huge drops and gradually soaked us. We were standing on top of Bare Mountain, or so it seemed, poring over the sodden map, water dripping down every available little nook or cranny in our clothing, the wind blowing wildly across us, and not one motorist in the entire region knew how to find Springfield House. Fortunately, another dear landlady, Maureen, came out in her car to guide us and allowed us to drip all over her gorgeous Georgian farmhouse. What a relief!

Those hills were very frequent, and you could never predict how much longer you would be going up and round a bend before the wonderful moment when you reached the peak and could stop panting and just let go....wheeee down again!!! An Irish cycling holiday is full of uncertainty, with as many peaks as troughs, and you never know what you will find round the next corner. A grand reflection of life itself, uplifting and enriching in every changing moment of travel. And with a gel saddle cover and lined biking shorts, I didn't even get to Akin' Bum!

Life as a Triflyer

I have been trying to think how to describe my evolving career in an easy title. Juggler? No, it sounds as though I work in a circus. Portfoilo-er? No, far too awkward. As my business is called "Blue Sky Reflections" I think I will settle for "Tri-flyer" and stay with the metaphore which suggests looking upwards and flying!

What do I mean by Triflyer? Well, it rhymes with "highflier" and we all like that description, filled with optimism and ambition. The "tri" refers to three ways, like "Tri-athlon", where you compete in 3 sports. I am dividing my time, not always equally, between three main functions. I've never been the sort of person who can sit behind a desk for 8 hours or more a day, focusing completely on one thing. Variety is the spice of life, as far as I'm concerned, which means I enjoy every day for what it brings, and I get a balance between activities which feeds my need to be both active and reflective in my work.

So what are my three work activities? My main one is career counselling, and whatever goes with it, so I see private clients as well as groups for workshops and I visit organizations to train employees with work-related issues such as team-building, stress management, mentoring and coaching. I really enjoy working with people, collaborating and exploring how best to develop and progress. As soon as I have appointments these form the scaffolding of my calendar.

My second function is as an Associate Lecturer for The Open University. The OU is such a flexible body that both students and tutors work on-line or by telephone in their own time. We meet about once a month for tutorials, and much as I love reading and working virtually, it's lovely to see the people face to face.

The third strand of my working week is still developing. I have just qualified as a Pilates teacher. Pilates is a fantastic form of exercise, which strengthens the core muscles and mobilizes the joints. It is also incredibly relaxing. My classes will be aimed at people who need to function better in their everyday lives by releasing tension and feeling their physical best.

For me, living a healthy life has to incorporate physical movement, intellectual stimulation and creativity. I am lucky that as a Triflyer I am able to achieve this as well as weaving in time to devote to voluntary work and to friends and family. It's important to practice what you preach, and as a careers counsellor I like to help people understand what suits them best and how they would be happiest spending their time. My lifestyle would not suit everyone, and it has taken several decades to achieve it. On the other hand, there are as many lifestyles as there are people - you just have to discover the right one for you! It is not easy to do that, given the demands put upon us by today's society: it's all rush, rush, talk, talk, work, work! Maybe I'm just a Maverick! Anyway, as the ad says, "I'm luvvin' it!"

Have a Blue Skies career - you deserve it!