Ten questions to ask yourself !
1. Can you pause and do something different?
2. What are your symptoms and can you relieve them?
3. Is negative self-talk making you feel worse?
4. Are you trying too hard to be perfect?
5. Are you multi-tasking without focus?
6. Is a control issue involved?
7. Are you taking on too much?
8. Are you being assertive enough?
9. When was the last time you relaxed or did some exercise?
10. Can you see the big picture clearly?
Wednesday 18 August 2010
Thursday 12 August 2010
Worrying is in the past!
Do you find that since you had children you tend to worry more? Anxieties are linked to past or future events. You either worry about something you have said or done - "did I teach him to say please?" or about something which hasn't happened yet, "How's he going to do at his new school?" If you can focus on the present, whether it's taking the kids to school or writing a difficult e-mail, solving a problem or putting out a fire, anxiety won't be driving you. Getting into the habit of leaving your mobile phone off while you enjoy a meal, or only answering e-mail at pre-planned times of the day, you will be able to concentrate better by being single-minded, rather than multi-tasking.
Going back to those questions you ask yourself when you are anxious, do they start with an "Oh, no" thought or feeling. A negative experience in your past will leave an indelible impression on you which comes back as a bad feeling every time you are in a similar situation. For example, if you used to get into trouble for being late for school every morning, you received a message which told you "You must not be late: only bad children are late." In later life, whenever you think there is a possibility you could be late to work, you get one of those "Oh, no" feelings which throws you into an anxious panic. Your anxiety stops you from thinking straight, and probably makes you late anyway.
You can re-train yourself to treat those feelings more rationally and positively and cut down both on anxiety and on being late! Replace that "Oh no" feeling with a different thought, like "I can be on time. I'm usually punctual, and even if I am a little late it won't be the end of the world." Negative self-talk is a bad habit which you can change in the same way as smoking or eating too much chocolate. It's not easy because these habits are deeply embedded, but it is possible. Counselling can help you with this. Think about the positive outcomes of changing the habit - you will worry less and start living more!
Sally Storr works as a psychotherapist and career counsellor and dealing with anxiety is of special interest to her.
Going back to those questions you ask yourself when you are anxious, do they start with an "Oh, no" thought or feeling. A negative experience in your past will leave an indelible impression on you which comes back as a bad feeling every time you are in a similar situation. For example, if you used to get into trouble for being late for school every morning, you received a message which told you "You must not be late: only bad children are late." In later life, whenever you think there is a possibility you could be late to work, you get one of those "Oh, no" feelings which throws you into an anxious panic. Your anxiety stops you from thinking straight, and probably makes you late anyway.
You can re-train yourself to treat those feelings more rationally and positively and cut down both on anxiety and on being late! Replace that "Oh no" feeling with a different thought, like "I can be on time. I'm usually punctual, and even if I am a little late it won't be the end of the world." Negative self-talk is a bad habit which you can change in the same way as smoking or eating too much chocolate. It's not easy because these habits are deeply embedded, but it is possible. Counselling can help you with this. Think about the positive outcomes of changing the habit - you will worry less and start living more!
Sally Storr works as a psychotherapist and career counsellor and dealing with anxiety is of special interest to her.
Wednesday 11 August 2010
Living in the moment
What is mindfulness? There isn't a short answer, but it's about living in the moment. Not for the moment, because that implies each and every moment is wonderful, and it is not. It's about being present, being aware of what is happening and recognizing this, without judgement and without needing to change it or act on it.
We are so tied up with our busy lives, that we barely have time to stop and think about anything, it's always about doing. If you become mindful, you focus on what you are doing without distraction. Mindfulness meditation involves becoming aware of yourself at your most restful, just focusing all your senses on your own breathe, the centre of your life. It is a very useful exercise in getting back to basics, understanding why we are here and in sorting out who we are.
Find a quiet spot and do this exercise without thinking of anything else: take a raisin (or another very small, insignificant dried fruit). Give it all your attention for a full minute. Look at it, hold it up to the light, notice its colour, its texture, listen to it, smell it, feel it, and finally bite into it. It will taste like a small explosion in your mouth.
Why do I want you to do this? How can one small raisin teach you anything useful in the context of reducing anxiety? You will have to wait until tomorrow to find out.
We are so tied up with our busy lives, that we barely have time to stop and think about anything, it's always about doing. If you become mindful, you focus on what you are doing without distraction. Mindfulness meditation involves becoming aware of yourself at your most restful, just focusing all your senses on your own breathe, the centre of your life. It is a very useful exercise in getting back to basics, understanding why we are here and in sorting out who we are.
Find a quiet spot and do this exercise without thinking of anything else: take a raisin (or another very small, insignificant dried fruit). Give it all your attention for a full minute. Look at it, hold it up to the light, notice its colour, its texture, listen to it, smell it, feel it, and finally bite into it. It will taste like a small explosion in your mouth.
Why do I want you to do this? How can one small raisin teach you anything useful in the context of reducing anxiety? You will have to wait until tomorrow to find out.
Tuesday 10 August 2010
"Worry less, live more!"
If you get invited to go and give a talk at one of your favourite health spas with dinner, bed, breakfast and full use of the spa facilites thrown in, you jump at it! Well, in my case, swim at it! I now visit Champneys at Henlow Grange about once a fortnight to stun my ever refreshed audience there with tips for reducing anxiety.
The point is these people have gone to Champneys for a reason. They are usually worn out by their activity on the hamster wheel of life, fed-up to here (chest-height and also swimming bath height) with work, work, work, and domestic chores, demanding children, shopping, couch potato husbands, the hoover breaking down, the car fuel tank being empty (yet again) - you know how it is, they just have to drop everything and take a break in a peaceful, quiet, calm setting, where they can be pampered and sleep, sleep sleep, until going back to the real world.
Sigh! After a long day of relaxing and a delicious (but healthy of course) dinner, what do they want to do? Go to the bar - there isn't one! It's a choice between going to bed and watching the telly, or coming to listen to me - well, those who still have energy left at 9pm. Neeless to say, these people are looking forward to changing their entire life in an hour.
I can't promise to do that but we have a very interesting discussion about some of the main reasons we worry and how to put things back into perspective. For example, we are socialized to be perfect in everything we do these days, so the more we do, the more perfect we have to be. If we can't achieve top marks in all areas, we let ourselves down, we try again, we try harder, and worry far too much. Our society is so achievement based that we can't see beyond getting it all 100% right. And we need the approval of those around us, be it partners, colleagues, bosses, even our children. This need starts at school and doesn't stop in the world of work.
Another thing which makes us worry far too much is when we feel the need to control everything going on in our lives. If we lose control, or feel we have lost it, this makes us very anxious. I know myself that getting organized is vital for a busy woman, but when does good organization become control?
Enough said for now. I would love to hear other people's views on these two reasons for anxiety. Do you think we have become a perfectionist society? Are we more obsessed with controlling our lives than letting things go? Tomorrow I will talk about mindfulness, something which helps me put balance back into my life.
The point is these people have gone to Champneys for a reason. They are usually worn out by their activity on the hamster wheel of life, fed-up to here (chest-height and also swimming bath height) with work, work, work, and domestic chores, demanding children, shopping, couch potato husbands, the hoover breaking down, the car fuel tank being empty (yet again) - you know how it is, they just have to drop everything and take a break in a peaceful, quiet, calm setting, where they can be pampered and sleep, sleep sleep, until going back to the real world.
Sigh! After a long day of relaxing and a delicious (but healthy of course) dinner, what do they want to do? Go to the bar - there isn't one! It's a choice between going to bed and watching the telly, or coming to listen to me - well, those who still have energy left at 9pm. Neeless to say, these people are looking forward to changing their entire life in an hour.
I can't promise to do that but we have a very interesting discussion about some of the main reasons we worry and how to put things back into perspective. For example, we are socialized to be perfect in everything we do these days, so the more we do, the more perfect we have to be. If we can't achieve top marks in all areas, we let ourselves down, we try again, we try harder, and worry far too much. Our society is so achievement based that we can't see beyond getting it all 100% right. And we need the approval of those around us, be it partners, colleagues, bosses, even our children. This need starts at school and doesn't stop in the world of work.
Another thing which makes us worry far too much is when we feel the need to control everything going on in our lives. If we lose control, or feel we have lost it, this makes us very anxious. I know myself that getting organized is vital for a busy woman, but when does good organization become control?
Enough said for now. I would love to hear other people's views on these two reasons for anxiety. Do you think we have become a perfectionist society? Are we more obsessed with controlling our lives than letting things go? Tomorrow I will talk about mindfulness, something which helps me put balance back into my life.
Tuesday 3 August 2010
Why bother with pilates?
Do you ever forget you have a body? Are you living life so much in your head that you can't remember what you had for your last meal, or even when?!?!?
If you are caught up in the hamster wheel of work, even if you love it, sometimes you can ignore the warning signs from your body: those gnawing pains and noises from your stomach which say "I'm hungry"; a headache caused by not drinking enough; aches and pains in your neck and shoulders caused by hunching over the PC too long. Any of those sound familiar?
I was lucky enough to be offered Pilates classes at lunchtime when I worked at the World Health Organization. Becoming aware of my body and my physical well-being not only made me feel better, it also lifted my spirits, and allowed me to focus better when I got back to my desk.
It is only when something goes drastically wrong that we become body aware. I come across cases like this again and again. Last week, I heard about a family of workaholics who changed their entire life-style because the father had a major heart attack and nearly died, and his daughter had a nervous breakdown. You don't need to go that far before you decide to look after yourself.
Pilates is an ideal way to start. It involves gentle but powerful exercise to strengthen your core muscles (those round the belly and lower back) so as to improve your posture (for example, hunched shoulders and sticking out tums), prevent injury and allow you to function more efficiently on a daily basis. I love it because focusing the mind very precisely on the exercise you are doing is very relaxing.
That's why I decided to do an intensive 6-month course in Pilates Instruction. I now understand how the joints and muscles work, why we need to strengthen the core and how getting a better posture is so beneficial. It is suitable for everyone of any age. One of my physiotherapist teachers told us that practically all injury can be avoided or lessened by improving the posture, and almost all injury can be cured by movement. So what are you waiting for? Try it out!
If you are caught up in the hamster wheel of work, even if you love it, sometimes you can ignore the warning signs from your body: those gnawing pains and noises from your stomach which say "I'm hungry"; a headache caused by not drinking enough; aches and pains in your neck and shoulders caused by hunching over the PC too long. Any of those sound familiar?
I was lucky enough to be offered Pilates classes at lunchtime when I worked at the World Health Organization. Becoming aware of my body and my physical well-being not only made me feel better, it also lifted my spirits, and allowed me to focus better when I got back to my desk.
It is only when something goes drastically wrong that we become body aware. I come across cases like this again and again. Last week, I heard about a family of workaholics who changed their entire life-style because the father had a major heart attack and nearly died, and his daughter had a nervous breakdown. You don't need to go that far before you decide to look after yourself.
Pilates is an ideal way to start. It involves gentle but powerful exercise to strengthen your core muscles (those round the belly and lower back) so as to improve your posture (for example, hunched shoulders and sticking out tums), prevent injury and allow you to function more efficiently on a daily basis. I love it because focusing the mind very precisely on the exercise you are doing is very relaxing.
That's why I decided to do an intensive 6-month course in Pilates Instruction. I now understand how the joints and muscles work, why we need to strengthen the core and how getting a better posture is so beneficial. It is suitable for everyone of any age. One of my physiotherapist teachers told us that practically all injury can be avoided or lessened by improving the posture, and almost all injury can be cured by movement. So what are you waiting for? Try it out!
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