Are you really listening?

Listening is probably the skill I use most as a counsellor. I often think clients come for counselling just because they need a "good listening to".

I asked my students at an "Introduction to Counselling" session last week to do an exercise where they took it in turns to talk for a few minutes on any subject that interests them, while their partner listened. The most important part of the exercise was that the listener was to close their eyes and not to utter a word or even a sound. The students found this was a very interesting exercise from both points of view. It felt strange not having any interaction, and some of them felt very lonely without the social cues we are used to hearing and seeing while we talk, whatever the context or the subject matter. Some people felt compelled to talk quickly, for fear they would run out of time before they had finished what they wanted to say. The listeners felt very awkward and frustrated, not being able to react. However, some people enjoyed the luxury of talking and being listened to, without constraint.

In our discussions afterwards, we spoke about the way people talk and listen to each other nowadays in general everyday life. It seems rare to feel that you are genuinely being listened to. We need to rush through conversations at work, or even at home, because there is so much else to do. Getting to the end of a sentence is unusual, you expect to be interrupted, especially on the phone. Is it because we are so tuned in to multi-tasking, that we can't complete a conversation before we move on to the next? Is the art of conversation dying? I would love to hear your views.

Wonder woman syndrome: having it all?

Up at the crack of dawn, getting yourself and the family ready for the day, snatching a quick coffee, blazing down the road to get to shcool, then work. Multi-tasking all morning: meetings, e-mail, emergencies, urgencies, phone calls, lunch at desk if you are lucky, squeeze in quick trip to gym after sneaking out of work ten minutes early, to stop feeling guilty about that Twix you grabbed earlier, whiz round supermarket and get mad about having to wait for a dear old lady in the queue in front of you to find her change, use the time to do a few pelvic floor exercises and plan supper, mad dash through rush-hour traffic to child-minder's, just manage to get there on the dot of six, rush home, make supper but realize there is one vital ingredient missing - rice - phone hubbie to ask, beg him to stop on way home to buy some rice, manage to feed kids, do homework with them, switch on TV news, re-heat part of supper while cooking late rice arrival, eat semi-dried up supper, bath kids, who have by now watched double their ration of TV for the day, feel guilty again, so read them one of their favourite (too long) stories, say goodnight, pack bags for tomorrow and do a quick laundry wash, hang up clothes which have been in machine for three days, clear up kitchen, sit down on sofa to finally relax, and realize what the time is - must get to bed or will be exhausted tomorrow!

Does this sound like you or someone you know? Are you suffering from wonder woman syndrome?