Worrying is in the past!

Do you find that since you had children you tend to worry more? Anxieties are linked to past or future events. You either worry about something you have said or done - "did I teach him to say please?" or about something which hasn't happened yet, "How's he going to do at his new school?" If you can focus on the present, whether it's taking the kids to school or writing a difficult e-mail, solving a problem or putting out a fire, anxiety won't be driving you. Getting into the habit of leaving your mobile phone off while you enjoy a meal, or only answering e-mail at pre-planned times of the day, you will be able to concentrate better by being single-minded, rather than multi-tasking.

Going back to those questions you ask yourself when you are anxious, do they start with an "Oh, no" thought or feeling. A negative experience in your past will leave an indelible impression on you which comes back as a bad feeling every time you are in a similar situation. For example, if you used to get into trouble for being late for school every morning, you received a message which told you "You must not be late: only bad children are late." In later life, whenever you think there is a possibility you could be late to work, you get one of those "Oh, no" feelings which throws you into an anxious panic. Your anxiety stops you from thinking straight, and probably makes you late anyway.

You can re-train yourself to treat those feelings more rationally and positively and cut down both on anxiety and on being late! Replace that "Oh no" feeling with a different thought, like "I can be on time. I'm usually punctual, and even if I am a little late it won't be the end of the world." Negative self-talk is a bad habit which you can change in the same way as smoking or eating too much chocolate. It's not easy because these habits are deeply embedded, but it is possible. Counselling can help you with this. Think about the positive outcomes of changing the habit - you will worry less and start living more!

Sally Storr works as a psychotherapist and career counsellor and dealing with anxiety is of special interest to her.